The Officially Official ATHF Rankings, Part I: The Bad

 Here we are, part 1 of what's probably going to be a 7 part series. EAT THAT, CLAW. We start from the worst to the best, so let's start off with the worst episode and go from there...

#140 - Ep. 60 Party All The Time

Monster of the Week: … Cancer.

Plot Insanity: 0/10. Frylock gets cancer. Yikes. That’s the whole episode.

Shakeisms: 0/10. Everything Shake does is overshadowed by Frylock’s cancer. And then Shake is NICE to Frylock. Wat.

Carl Factor: 0/10. See the Shakeism.

Meatwadded 0/10. Is Meatwad even in this episode?

Guest Stars & Cameos: 0/10. A guest spot by Andrew WK should have been incredible. It wasn’t.

Review: It’s at the bottom because it’s not just a waste of Andrew WK, not just because it’s not funny but it’s morose and somehow fails at anti-comedy.

#139 - Ep. 59 Hand Banana

Monster of the Week: Hand Banana

Plot Insanity: 2/10. A balloon comes to life and starts raping Carl. Yeah.

Shakeisms: 0/10. I don’t even know.

Carl Factor: 0/10. The wrong kind of Carl abuse.

Meatwadded 0/10. Nope.

Guest Stars & Cameos: 0/10. Handbanana sucks.

Review: It’s usually always funny when Carl is abused, killed, whatever… but somehow this is not funny at all. It goes on too long and buries what little joke was made.

#138 – Ep. 63 Grim Reaper Gutters

Monster of the Week: Greg from Grim Reaper Gutters.

Plot Insanity 1/10. Aside from Greg from Grim Reaper Gutters showing up, the episode is basically a Seinfeld episode in that it’s about nothing.

Shakeisms: 0/10. For what feels like the only time, Shake is lost in his own plot line. When Shake is going some place with his plot (like with the Drizzle), it has a clear focus. This episode, he does not.

Carl Factor: 3/10. Shows up and dies. Not the first or the last time.

Meatwadded 0/10. Gets sucked into the vortex with Shake. If you told me they ad libbed most of this episode, I would believe you.

Guest Stars & Cameos: 0/10. Tera Patrick, adult film star at the time, shows up here for no reason. My guess is she liked the show, wanted to be on it and they couldn’t do anything that would make use of her talents. So we get this heap.

Review: This episode goes nowhere and ends nowhere. Something was fundamentally wrong here. Either Greg got pushed out for Tera Patrick or they were way too high or something. Who knows.

#137 – Ep. 61 Bart Oates

Monster of the Week: …Bart Oates? Former NY GNATS football player.

Plot Insanity 4/10. The ghost of Bart Oates follows Carl around like a ghost of Xmas past. It’s weirder than usual.

Shakeisms: 0/10. It’s a Carl episode.

Carl Factor: 2/10. Entirely Carl focused episode don’t really work. They focus on Carl’s sad sack nature and it comes off flat.

Meatwadded 0/10. It’s a Carl episode.

Guest Stars & Cameos: Bart Oates, literally. Uh. Sure. I am assuming this is another cold call question for a guest spot?

Review: It’s just a really flat episode. It more or less works like The Dressing but the wacky character has been replaced by… Bart Oates. The Dressing is more exaggerated so it is a lot less depressing.

#136 – Ep. 65 Ezekiel

Monster of the Week: Ezekiel… Shake’s son? Or something.

Plot Insanity 0/10. It’s Shake’s son. Or clone. I can’t remember.

Shakeisms: 0/10. There is just no way this could have worked. Shake operates on being a total narcistic jerk.

Carl Factor: 0/10. Is he even in this episode?

Meatwadded 0/10. A non-factor.

Guest Stars & Cameos 0/10. Patton Oswalt is notable for having one amazing episode (Frat Aliens) and one horrible one (this episode). He uses his whiny kid voice and man, it is obnoxious.

Review: This is part of a small stretch of absolute garbage the ATHF team crapped out.

#135 – Ep. 58 Dickeisode

Monster of the Week: Dr Wongburger, an adversary of questionable usefulness.

Plot Insanity 1/10. I don’t know what is worse – that they came up with this plot at all or that they basically recycled it for Plaque Lagoon and Hands on a Hamburger.

Shakeisms: 0/10. Frylock is the only one who seems to care that Wongburger exists, mercifully.

Carl Factor: 2/10. This episode reeks of Hand Banana-ness but thankfully without the awkward silence that Hand Banana creates.

Meatwadded 0/10. A few one liners from Meatwad but otherwise a non-factor.

Guest Stars & Cameos 0/10. Tommy Blancha does the voice of Wongburger, but no one cares.

Review: In a show that most people would call stupid from the first episode to the last, they really sank to the bottom with Wongburger, a stupid show’s stupidest character. I’m glad he only got 3 episodes.

#134 – Ep. 88 The Last Episode Forever and Ever

Monster of the Week: H. Jon Benajmin.

Plot Insanity 1/10. It gets a lone point for the water catching on fire.

Shakeisms: -10/10. Sweet jesus, no. NO. What were they thinking?

Carl Factor: 2/10. The guy they got for Carl wasn’t terrible, but there is no human on Earth that IS Carl. However, real Carl gets the “they really were an Aqua Teen Hunger Force line” which at least segued into the much better Rabbot Redux.

Meatwadded 0/10. He was a damned yoga ball. Come on now.

Guest Stars & Cameos 0/10. I’m so glad this wasn’t the actual final episode. At least T-Pain was minorly enjoyable.

Review: A live action episode! And it’s miserable! HOW. WHY.

#133 – Ep. 139 Last One Forever And Ever (We Mean It This Time)

Monster of the Week: A giant clam?

Plot Insanity 1/10. Recharging Frylock’s back jewel. But this is an actual plot as opposed to what we normally get so it doesn’t work.

Shakeisms: 3/10. A pretty by the book Shake episode.

Carl Factor: 0/10. I have no memory of him in this episode.

Meatwadded 4/10. The ending was amusing at least.

Guest Stars & Cameos 0/10. None.

Review: So glad this wasn’t the final episode (it will be a while before you read about the real final episode). This one went on way too long and was way too plot heavy. If ATHF is written like a normal show, it falls apart and this is proof.

#132 – Ep. 110 Last Dance for Napkin Lad

Monster of the Week: Napkin Lad. At least he was in SGC2C.

Plot Insanity 0/10. There was a plot but it was NOT insane. It was bizarrely normal. No thanks.

Shakeisms: 0/10. No one really acted like themselves.

Carl Factor: 1/10. One point for the fake mustache.

Meatwadded 0/10. See the Shake writeup.

Guest Stars & Cameos 0/10. Just Napkin Lad, which goes over as well as Chicken Bittle did in the movie.

Review: This would be normal for any other TV series, but this episode was weird for ATHF. It’s like making a normal show out of a parody. More of a novelty than anything.

#131 – Ep. 130 Spacecadeuce

Monster of the Week: Ignigknot, Err, Emory and Oglethorpe.

Plot Insanity 7/10. Basically an Event Horizon parody. It flies off the rails fast.

Shakeisms: 0/10. No Shake.

Carl Factor: 0/10. No Carl.

Meatwadded 0/10. No Meatwad.

Guest Stars & Cameos 0/10. Nobody but the Spacecataz characters.

Review: They must have been running out of ideas because this almost certainly was a Spacecataz script that never got made when the pilot rightfully got passed on. The episode weirdly meanders and even though it invokes Season 1-2 ATHF vibes, it just doesn’t go anywhere and doesn’t deliver any laughs. Unfortunately the last appearance of both sets of characters.

#130 – Allen Part 1

Monster of the Week: Danny the Facehugger Thing.

Plot Insanity 0/10. Ran out of ideas much? There was basically no plot here, nor any jokes unless you think Steven Wright planting eggs in Shake and Shake not exploding is funny.

Shakeisms: 5/10. It’s basically a Shake episode but even then, he doesn’t really do much.

Carl Factor: 0/10. No Carl again.

Meatwadded 0/10. Meatwad is a cipher for the audience here. He does nothing and adds nothing.

Guest Stars & Cameos 0/10. What a waste of Steven Wright’s amazing deadpan delivery.

Review: The only thing not dragging this down into the bottom 10 is the Dr Weird intro and the first time the amazing Aqua Unit Patrol Squad 1 intro is used. Otherwise this episode is lazier than usual.

#129 – Allen Part 2

Monster of the Week: Allen… actually Alien.

Plot Insanity 2/10. The most insane thing about this episode is that’s a Part II that’s basically unrelated to Part I. Which really isn’t unusual considering ATHF.

Shakeisms: 2/10. Shake drives this episode again but is overshadowed by the Allen laser thing.

Carl Factor: 0/10. I honestly don’t remember Carl in this episode.

Meatwadded 0/10. A brief nothing that adds nothing.

Guest Stars & Cameos 0/10. Allen is the worst guest character since Dr. Wongburger.

Review: Probably would have worked better if the space ship was over the ATHF house, but then it’d basically be the far superior Antenna. It’s hard to like this episode especially once Shake meets Allen.

#128 – Ep. 83 The Creature from the Plague Lagoon

Monster of the Week: The Creature from the Plague Lagoon and Dr. Wongburger for the 2^nd time.

Plot Insanity 2/10. Instead of dicks, it’s teeth and it goes from there.

Shakeisms: 1/10. Shake without teeth. That’s about it.

Carl Factor: 0/10. No Carl.

Meatwadded 0/10. Meatwad without tooth. Also about it.

Guest Stars & Cameos 0/10. They couldn’t find a better character for Blancha to voice? Come on. Gary the Dairy Fairy might as well been Bart Oates again. Pass.

Review: This feels like a normal episode and then apparently their fixation on Dr. Wongburger needs a fix and here he is again, but now he’s a tooth seeking teeth to escape Earth. Groan.

#127 – Ep. 2 And A Half Stars Out of 5

Monster of the Week: Drewbacca, the Chewbacca parody.

Plot Insanity 3/10. In what really feels like an episode of old, this one has another quirky/insane guest character running around. The problem is he runs into the ground.

Shakeisms: 1/10. I was waiting for a Love Mummy-esque “Yeah you’re Chewbacca, shut up, enough already”. Never got it.

Carl Factor: 2/10. Carl gets killed by Chewbacca so that’s at least normal.

Meatwadded 0/10. Another episode where he a non-factor.

Guest Stars & Cameos 1/10. Drewbacca is voiced by Scott Adsit, aka “Tina Fey likes me so I get work” guy. And the Moonities show up at the last minute to fill time.

Review: The big hook of this episode is the constant orchestral soundtrack, ala Star Wars throughout the episode. It’s mixed poorly, probably on purpose. The episode is largely innocuous but that soundtrack makes it unwatchable.

#126 – Ep. 131 Mouth Quest

Monster of the Week: Honest Abe Lincoln, the sausage links mascot.

Plot Insanity 4/10. This one at least breaks the fourth wall, a lot. It was at least pretty silly.

Shakeisms: 1/10. A handful of Shake one liners.

Carl Factor: 0/10. No Carl!

Meatwadded 0/10. No mouth for Meatwad so not a lot to be said or added.

Guest Stars & Cameos 2/10. You don’t realize how annoying Justin Roiland’s Morty voice is until you watch this episode. This one would probably jump 10 spots if it was any other voice. But Henry Zebrowski (Gary from Pretty Face) is a welcome addition though.

Review: To go with the live action episode, there is… the Claymation episode! I think it would have worked better if it didn’t break out of the normal episode structure and just did it’s normal thing, but in clay. This is probably the first episode on this list that has some redeeming qualities, unlike the previous 14.

#125 – Ep. 55 Spacegate World (aka Carl)

Monster of the Week: Carl’s depressing life.

Plot Insanity 0/10. It’s just Carl, by himself, watching Dewey, Vanessa and Boxy Brown.

Shakeisms: 0/10. Basically no Shake.

Carl Factor: 5/10. A lot of Carl but not necessarily a good amount of Carl.

Meatwadded 0/10. Basically no Meatwad

Guest Stars & Cameos 0/10. None of note.

Review: Unless Carl is giving you his Stonecold Lock of the Century of the Week, he shouldn't be running solo. The show itself works well because Carl plays back and forth off of the other characters, main or guest and when he’s by himself like this, no thanks.

#124 – Ep. 114 Rocket Horse Jet Chicken

Monster of the Week: Rocket Horse! And Jet Chicken!

Plot Insanity 5/10. Not so much insane as it is a Meatwad stream of consciousness.

Shakeisms: 0/10. He’s in this episode for a minute and he does what he usually does – try and make a buck.

Carl Factor: 0/10. No Carl.

Meatwadded 6/10. This is a Meatwad episode, no question. Without any other main characters to play off, and the two guest characters not doing the job, it’s not as good as it could be.

Guest Stars & Cameos 3/10. George Lowe voices Jet Chicken, so that’s nice.

Review: A nearly full crayon drawn episode but it’s just all over the place. The guys must have been really high when they came up with this one.

#123 – Ep. 86 Fry Legs

Monster of the Week: Frylock’s new legs.

Plot Insanity 4/10. Frylock turns into a total creeper with the weirdest legs possible. Then it gets worse.

Shakeisms: 0/10. Shake and Meatwad both basically sit this one out.

Carl Factor: 0/10. No Carl. He stayed far away.

Meatwadded 0/10. See Shakeisms.

Guest Stars & Cameos 0/10. None of note aside from George Lowe.

Review: There are some amusing gags, like the Computer Repair Woman’s butt bending over but otherwise this one is bordering on too weird. The ending with Frylock as FrankenRay is quite a thing to see. However, this is not a truly bad episode, just one that illustrates why Frylock is better left the straight man.

#122 – Ep. 37 THE

Monster of the Week: Frylock’s disgust with his roommates

Plot Insanity 1/10. One of the least insane plots from Season 2. Frylock has had enough of his roommates so he moves out. That’s it.

Shakeisms: 6/10. Shake burning the garbage is pretty great, as is his getting-worse swelling eyes.

Carl Factor: 2/10. Carl plays the don’t give a crap Carl in this episode. He doesn’t get killed though.

Meatwadded 3/10. Meatwad is a good accessory to Shake here.

Guest Stars & Cameos 0/10. None.

Review: The worst episode of Season 2, which isn’t in the top 20 of worst episode overall because Season 2 is amazing. The plot is fairly mundane which keeps it from getting off the ground and ranks it so low.

#121 – Ep. 00 Boston

Monster of the Week: The city of Boston, basically.

Plot Insanity 6/10. It gets off the rails pretty quickly, but most of it is a parody to Boston’s asinine response to the ATHF marketing campaign.

Shakeisms: 3/10. Pretty par for the course but he’s kept in the rails of the whole Boston thing.

Carl Factor: 3/10. Carl is just literal cannon fodder here, which isn’t a bad thing.

Meatwadded 0/10. Meatwad with Christmas lights… like Shake, he’s just hear to rip into Boston.

Guest Stars & Cameos 0/10. No real ones to speak of.

Review: This is an OK episode but plots so low just because it’s unfinished.

And that’s it for the bottom of the barrel. Like I said on Mouth Quest, there are only really 14 or so bad episodes of this show and everything else is just ok or has a minor flaw which rates it lowly. Now onto the OK/Good episodes, which is quite a long list.